When my daughter revealed to us that she wanted “to get married to a Korean man,” my wife was utterly opposed to the whole affair. She held the same attitude toward Koreans as many Japanese: a completely groundless prejudice that pictured Koreans as inferior and backward. But in the last five months, her opposition has mellowed into an enthusiasm for anything Korean. Now she’s the one who keeps on bugging me, “Let’s go to Seoul once more!”
What forced her change of heart? First, the young Korean man who became our son-in-law asked for our daughter’s hand in a moving letter: “Considering what has happened over our long history, I thought there was no way I could ever get to like Japanese people,” he wrote. “However, strangely enough, I became entranced by your daughter. Now her existence is more important to me than my own life.” Those were frank, passionate words. If we had resisted, I suspect our daughter would simply have defied her mother and eloped to Korea.
A friend of mine recommended that my wife visit Korea and see the place and the people for herself. There we met the man who had asked to marry our daughter; he showed up carrying a giant bouquet of lilies for my wife, and took us to the new house he had prepared for the two of them. He had spent his days off repainting the whole place himself, using an elegant color scheme, and the kitchen was stocked with a complete set of new appliances and utensils. The Korean-style heated floor had been warmed up, and my wife happily stroked it with her hands. The smile on the young man’s face was sincere and kind, and my daughter looked extremely pleased.
Unlike kids in Japan, the young man did not let his sense of decorum drop at this point. He took my wife and me into a different room, and then, following Korean custom, prostrated himself before us and expressed his thankfulness. By this point, my wife’s prejudice against Korea had been completely wiped away. The next day, we were invited to the boy’s parents’ house. As we arrived, we saw all his relatives lined up outside, standing in the cold, waiting for us to arrive–the kind of welcome that Japanese don’t give. It was that kind of warmth that caused my wife to be so enthralled by Korea.
The other day, I stopped by a small restaurant in suburban Tokyo. Scanning the wall, my eye spotted a calendar upon which a famous saying had been written. It gave me pause. The saying read, “People are polished through adversity, and are ruined through indolence.”
The history of Korea has been one of adversity. After being subject to Japanese colonial rule, the country suffered the tragedy of North-South partition. In contrast, the Japanese people have been intoxicated by their economic miracle and the euphoria of the “bubble years.” They are the indolent ones walking a path toward ruin. When it comes time for my grandchild to decide whether he or she wants to be Korean or Japanese, I truly wonder which nationality the child will choose.
